Mastering the use of who and whom requires analysis and a commitment to grammatical distinctions that can sound stilted. Technically, who performs the action of a verb ("They are the ones who sent me the gift"), while whom receives the action of a verb ("I'd like to thank the gift-givers, whom I've known for years"). In terms of grammar, that makes who a subject, and whom an object. When following a preposition, whom, as an object, is the preferred choice. ("For whom was the gift intended?") ("His brother, with whom he is very close, works for the same company.") However, whom now has a decidedly formal feel and is not commonly used in ordinary speech and writing, where it can seem awkward and unnatural. In all but the most formal contexts, it is standard to use who instead, preferring "Who did you speak to?" to "To whom did you speak?" or "Whom did you speak to?"
That and which are both used to introduce a restrictive clause, i.e., a clause that can't be removed without changing the sentence's meaning substantially or making the sentence incomplete or difficult to understand. In "The cake that/which they served was pink," the restrictive clause is "that/which they served." To remove it renders the sentence incomplete: what cake was pink? Which is used to introduce a nonrestrictive clause, i.e., a clause that adds information to the sentence but isn't essential for understanding the sentence's basic idea. In "The cake, which was delicious, was pink" the clause "which was delicious" adds nonessential information; we still know that the cake being discussed was pink. That formerly did this job as well, especially in poetry, but the use is now rare.





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